Pointless
by BitterSweetNitemare
Summary: Of all the things she studied about in the human world, she had never heard of a "dildo." What was it exactly? Was it a piece of clothing? "Ichigo, I overheard two women talking about something called a 'dildo.' And I just wanted to know what it was," she said, innocently. Slight-crack WARNING: Includes stupidity and bad language


**I wasn't serious with this, so don't take it seriously! It's just for lulz and has no point!**

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**Disclaimer**: I don't own or claim Bleach or Sailor Moon as my own.

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_**Pointless**_

Rukia knit her brows together, lost in thought. "What were those people talking about?"

She let the plastic bag fall to her elbow as she walked towards Ichigo's apartment, crossing her arms. If she remembered correctly, the two women who walked out of the store were talking about something called a "dildo." What was that exactly? Was it a piece of clothing? The women seemed rather young and excited about it, so maybe it was something like a lingerie maybe. The windows of the store they had walked out of had some provocative clothing displayed at the front, so maybe it was a sexy lingerie store, like the ones she went to, to get her undergarments. Well, she didn't go to the "sexy" stores; she just went to the average ones with Inoue sometimes.

She would've gone in to the store to check it out, but she had to get back home quickly so she wouldn't miss the reruns of "Sailor Moon."

"Maybe I can just ask Ichigo after he comes back from his classes. Yeah, I'll do that," she said to herself, looking up at the sky.

Upon arriving at the apartment, Rukia took out her keys and unlocked the door, yawning. Slipping out of her shoes, she walked over to the refrigerator and placed the cool items from the plastic bag into it before grabbing the milk and her cheddar bunnies and pocky.

She plopped down onto the couch and stretched. She turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, trying to find the one "Sailor Moon" would be on. She stopped abruptly when she flipped passed a show that had two people fucking like rabbits with some slow yet upbeat music. "What the fuck? People actually make shows like this? No, people actually watch this?" With her brow raised, she passed through the next few channels before stopping on the anime network.

"Oh, I think this is the episode where Usagi rescues Mamoru!" She said excitedly, opening her box of pocky.

And yes, this is what the fuku-taichou of squad thirteen did all day. She was currently taking her vacation break since she had been working non-stop for the past few weeks –or months. So she spent most of her time in the human world as it was more "interesting."

Basically, she laid around Ichigo's apartment all day and ate his snacks. And when hollows appeared, she would go out to exterminate the hollows so that Ichigo wouldn't have to leave class to do it. It wasn't exactly productive, but she didn't really care, she wasn't allowed back into the thirteenth division's head quarters until her vacation time was over, so she ought to as well do something. What was strange though was that she didn't know that seated officers had vacations, and she highly doubted that they did outside of Ukitake's squad, but who was she to complain?

Rukia yawned, watching as the blonde meatball head went around destroying weird monsters with her colorful fanclu- sailor scouts following behind along with the talking cats with tattoos. "Can they give Tuxedo mask a cooler power?" she said to no one in particular.

She laid there for the next few hours, chomping the hell out of her snacks. Eventually, she drifted to sleep, accidentally changing the channel as she did so. Unfortunately for her, she had changed it back to the show that had the people fucking like rabbits.

An hour or two later, Ichigo walked through the apartment door, with a plastic bag in hand. "Oi! Rukia, I got you some of those rice dumplings you like!" He took off his shoes and looked around the dark apartment, frowning. "What the hell?"

Not bothering to turn on the lights, he put the bag on the kitchen counter before walking over to Rukia who was sprawled out on the couch with junk food scattered all around her. He frowned and poked her body with his toe, causing her to murmur and turn the other way.

Ichigo rolled his eyes and sighed when he noticed she had left the milk out. "And you even left the TV on, idiot," he said in a loud whisper. He picked up the remote and immediately froze when he saw what was on the TV.

There was one guy and two girls, and they were totally doing the dirty. No, worse than the dirty! He turned to Rukia, wide eyed.

What the hell had she been watching?!

Was this what she was interested in? Had she been talking to Keigo lately?

He immediately shut the TV off, and turned on the lights. "Rukia, wake up!" He shook her shoulders hard, but when she didn't budge, he sighed. "I didn't want to do this...," he said apologetically. He trailed his fingers along the skin of her neck before he stopped between the crook of her neck and lightly pinched there. It was Rukia's sensitive spot; it was like a wake up button. And she hated it whenever he pinched her there for some reason. Keigo claimed that it probably turned her on, but he didn't believe it.

Feeling her neck get pinched, Rukia sprung up, punching whoever it was in the face, "Degenerate!"

"Fuck!" cursed Ichigo, holding his head. "Give me a concussion why don't you?"

Rukia blinked and smirked, "_Gomenasai,_ _Kurosaki-sama." _The whole line made Ichigo metaphorically vomit, it was so corny. "Anyways, why'd you rudely wake me up, you bozo?"

He glared at her, "Well, I came home and noticed you left the TV on. And what did I see? I saw a fucking threesome happening right on my TV! Why were you watching _that_?"

"What are you talking about? I was watching Sailor Moon."

"Sailor Moon my ass! If that was Sailor Moon, it would've been banned years ago!"

She scowled at him, "What are you getting so mad about anyways? Even if I was watching that, which I wasn't, why would you care? I can like whatever I want." She got up and walked over to the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge before she noticed the fried dumplings on the counter.

"I don't want you watching immoral trash like Keigo!" Ichigo followed her, and stole one of the dumplings when she opened the container.

"I already said I wasn't watching it! And give me back my dumpling," she said, attempting to get her dumpling back. "I was going to ask you a question, but I guess I'll just ask Asano then."

Ichigo bit into the dumpling and stuck his tongue out, "What'd you want to ask?"

Rukia still tried to grab it, but gave up when he licked all over it nastily. She grimaced, "That's gross, and you don't deserve to be asked. Plus, it's a stupid question anyways."

"We've shared utensils and crap before, and just tell me," he said, smirking.

"Well, I overheard two women talking about something called a 'dildo.' And I just wanted to know what it was," she said at last, biting into a fried dumpling.

Ichigo froze mid-swallow, staring wide eyed at her. He cautiously swallowed his food, "Why do you want to know?"

She shrugged, "Just curious. Is it some kind of piece of clothing?" She stabbed another dumpling with her fork and looked up at him innocently.

He debated whether or not to tell her. It was probably best to tell her so that she didn't embarrass herself in the future, but did he really want to? No, he absolutely did not want to. "Well, it's this thing that woman use to… you know… masturbate."

She widened her eyes and blushed, "You mean as in-"

"Yeah," he said, even before she could finish.

"What does it look like? And does it move?"

What the hell kind of question was that? "It depends I guess. Usually it looks like a guy's-" pausing for a moment, he shook his head, flushing red, "yeah, it depends. And according to Keigo, it sometimes vibrates and moves, but that's all you're getting out of me!"

Rukia nodded her head in understanding, "I see… so women use this to pleasure themselves when men aren't around or if they're cutting off their boyfriends. I guess it's better than a real one since there's no STD or any of that other shit included in the package. Although, I always thought people used their fingers. I know in Soul Society, women do that sometimes."

Ichigo gawked at her, not believing what he was hearing.

"What do guys do to masturbate then? Do they also have something to use or do they just use their hands and mov-" before she could finish, Ichigo clamped his hands over her mouth, blushing ferociously.

"Will you shut up already, you nut job!"

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**A/N: **See wasn't I right? Pointless? But perverted nonetheless! I've been meaning to write this for awhile now... so, yeah.**  
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**Please tell me what you think and really, did you think this story was stupid? Probably, right? **


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